Monday, December 12, 2005

Merry *bleeping* Christmas

Today is just one of those days.

Let me explain.

I thought it was going to be a great day. That just makes it hurt all the more. First, I was able to take care of that business my union screwed up and secure another month of pay. Great. Then, I find out I have this friend with a new roommate who wants to set me up. And she's hot. So, going good, right? Then, a coworker drops off a Christmas card with a gift certificate for one of my most favorite stores of all time and I'm totally stoked. I wrote her a nice email, thanking her, and dropped it in her mailbox.

I basically said, "That was really nice of made my day...yada yada...merry Christmas."

Now, I felt safe saying "Merry Christmas" because the card she gave me said it. And I didn't flip out. I'm an atheist, and I didn't flip out and start getting all weird or anything. I just smiled and thought about how great it was that someone thought that much of me that they went out of their way to do something nice.

I get a reply. "Oh, no problem. Glad you liked it. And I'm Jewish, so I don't celebrate Christmas."

Stop right there.

Didn't you just give me a present, in a card, marked "Christmas?" Not "Xmas" mind you, "Christmas." Now you're going to split hairs with me - atheist, right? - about how to wish someone a fine winter/ chanukah/kwanzaa /festivus/whatever the fuck?

{I should pause here and tell you - I'm really an easygoing guy when it comes to peoples beliefs. However you celebrate the season, I hope you have a good one. But don't take this post as an excuse to try and convert me to whatever it is you believe. I respect you enough not to do that - please, try and feel the same about me. }

So anyway, I was pissed off for like 20 minutes. Then she writes again - "I was just kidding. I'm not Jewish. See you at the Christmas party!"

So it may be a good day after all. Not as good as Thursday is going to be, when I pick up the nickel plated pimp gun, but pretty good. "I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something."*