Friday, November 25, 2005

Thanksgiving AAR


Just wow.

Sometimes I suprise even myself. Not to say that I can't cook on a day to day basis, but the Turkey Day meal was an overwhelming success. The cornbread stuffing was absolutely perfect - much to the detrement of the idiots who liked their stuffing with prunes or wheat grass or oysters in it. I put all the naysayers to rest.

The turkey was excellent, despite all the women in my family thinking it would be otherwise. "Are you sure you don't want any help?" they'd ask, coming into the kitchen. "Arrrrgghhhh!!," I'd reply, brandishing a chef knife. It turned out to be super juicy because 1) I am the man and 2) I accidentally cooked it upside down. When I figured that out, it was too late, but I flipped it over to brown the top and it ended up excellent.

Potatoes are simply the food of gods, expecially when mashed to perfection and smothered in butter, homemade gravy and salt and pepper. Mmm...gonna go hit the leftovers right now, in fact.

Good stuff.

I can't figure out how people can ruin big dinners like this. The timing isn't that hard. None of the dishes are had to create. Everything is fairly straightforward, which is exactly the opposite of how it was made to seem when I was growing up.

I even managed to make a pie. A strawberry-rhubarb pie. I made it with splenda so I could include my dad in the festivities, because lets face it - the men have to stick together. A pie that deserved huge scoops of good vanilla ice cream, which my cousin managed to screw up. How do you fuck up ice cream? "Go to the store and get a carton of Breyers." She comes back with two little things of Ben and Jerries. I go back and - lo and behold - theres the Breyers. Damn hippy ice cream...

So the food was excellent. The company The football left something to be desired (gotdammed Broncos shoulda lost!! Argh!!). But altogether another successful holiday done.

As for next year? Well, I did get asked by my mom to cook again next year. The rest of the "womyn" in the family were scandalized by the fact that I put together an excellent meal BY MYSELF that easily topped anything they've managed to put together in the past ten years. "Oh, the potatoes are lumpy..." Is that JEALOUSY I hear dripping from your voice, you twit?!?! BWAHAHAHA eat it and weep, auntie. I'll teach you to cook later if you be quiet. Oh, you liked the other cranberry sauce that they did last year, with orange and lemon zest in it? Get out of this house and start walking.