Day 1365

I emailed various eBay collectible sellers to keep an eye out for certain items for me. I want to get either the cabinet from Indian in the Cupboard, Harry Potter's wand or a wardrobe with a false back that leads to another world. None have emailed me back.

I figure: If I can get one of these items, I will be living in that same fantasy world the Brady Bunch lives in, where guns are bad and kill people all by themselves and just for the hell of it.

Again, I just don't understand where the compulsion to make up the most absurd statements comes from. Maybe Birkenstocks...something about cork.

Also, I have prescribed Ritalin to my Smith .44 to try and correct some of the misconceptions. I couldn't get it to talk to me beforehand, but now maybe it'll be too hopped up to ignore my questioning glances. Or it will finally load itself and shoot whatever it is that scurries up and down my sideyard every night.