Friday, February 03, 2006

Upon Waking Up

You ever have one of those dreams that you're body tries to wake you up from? Your leg tries to jerk you out of your sleep? You get those neck twitches that rattle your brain? Or is that just me. Well, it happened this morning, and I gotta say "Thanks, leg!"

Last night I dreamed I was at a VPC sponsored cocktail party shindig dance gala event. Dianne Feinstein was hammered and she kept trying to get close to me, but she smelled like gasoline and brimstone so I kept trying to light her on fire. Sarah Brady was there, giving a keynote address on something (sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown). As I walked around the room, I was astounded by the strength with which they were speaking, a term I now dub "retard-strength", and how many of them were there. Rosie and Mike Moore had a pudding wrestling match that I'd rather not have been privvy to.

When the meal portion of the evening came along, the spotlight shone directly down on me. They introduced me as a defender of people's right, a proponent of the Constitution and the 2nd amendment, and an advocate for victims rights to self-preservation and self-defense. They asked me to take a seat of honor at their table. As I took my seat, Bill Clinton brought in a tray of utensils and a chafing dish and placed them on the table in front of me. Before I knew what was happening, they set upon me. Barbara Boxer was at my side, strapping me into the chair as Chuck Schumer...well, you know that scene from "Hannibal", where Lecter eats the guys brains while he's still alive? Yeah, that scene. Yeah, thats what they did. The fuckers lobotomized me and ate my brains. Yeah, right about then, my leg just went "GET UP!" and jerked me awake. Exactly one minute before my alarm went off.

I just goes to show - don't eat pizza that you left on the counter all day or bad things can and probably will happen to your mind. Hey...does anyone else detect the faint odor of gas and brimstone?