Thursday, October 13, 2005

I Hate My Boss, too...

Poor ol' Zarqawi...forced to sit through more of those same goddam Powerpoints and strategy meetings that drive me up the freakin wall. I don't know how the poor guy does it while only decapitating three 'team members'? I love why the office calls them "teams" - like, what teams are these, bro? How did I get stuck on the Special Olympics team of the office world? After meetings I can totally feel my IQ dropping points faster than Mike Moore drops empty Big Mac containers.

My man Abu-Musab said it best though when he said:
Nobody really said anything, but at this point I think everybody was kind of depressed. If anything, the mood got even worse at the “Reward and Recognition Dinner” that night. Due to budget cuts, they didn’t even have gift cards this year – just some cheesy ‘I (Heart) Jihad’ coffee cups and Successories posters. The after-dinner speaker? Good ol’ blowhard George Galloway, like always. I’d been through that movie before, so I sneaked out and went back to my hotel room. I thought about ordering some porn on SpectraVision, but that stuff ends up on your credit card and I'm already in the doghouse with Fatima and the other wives as it is.
Ain't that the fuckin' gospel. I hate those damn motivational posters on the walls with a passion, and the next time someone hands me a complimentary "I (Heart) Teamwork" coffee mug I'll ram it down their damn throats.

It's kinda sad to see what all the ass-kickin' we've handed him has done, though...poor bastard seems all down and depressed. He may even blow himself up in the next "strategic empowerment" meeting.
Sorry to be such a downer again. You know it’s funny, but when I signed on with Al Qaeda I was as gung ho as any teenager at the Finsbury Park mosque. I was completely dazzled by Zawahiri’s bullshit about “Global Caliphate Platforms” and “paradise option programs.” But I’m telling you, when you’re out there in the field dealing with Team Satan, you become a cynic real fast. Just between you and me, I’m beginning to hate this job and hate my boss, and I would be updating my resume if it wasn’t for the benefits plan.
Sad, man. Just freakin' painful.

I (Heart) Iowahawk.