The Varmint Cong

License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote. - Groundskeeper Carl Spackler, Caddyshack, 1980

I have an appointment with my parents this weekend to "sort out" their gopher problem. Before they even asked me, they went around to their neighbors and asked them if they had any problems with someone shooting gophers in our yard. Of course, no one did. And if it goes well, the neighbor to the west may hire me to clean up his yard as well.

It raises an interesting question - "Mom, why not poison or trap the little buggers?" In both cases, they're worried about the dog either getting into the poison or digging up the trapped carcasses and eating them.

Not a real smart dog, but we love her anyway. Plus, they figure it'll be more humane this way - a swift, instant darkness instead of agony for an hour. And my dad thinks he can outshoot me, so a little friendly competition may be in the works.

So for Sunday, I may not get to write much (whats new?) and what I write will probably be brief and pointless (again, news?), but know that I am making the world safe from the Varmint Cong.

I gotta get in this dudes pelt and crawl around for a while...


Updated to add: I'll be hunting them with my TALO 10/22 and CCI QuikShok hypervelocity rounds. "...Superior firepower. And thats all she wrote."