Friday, January 20, 2006

A Modest Proposal

Having spent the last hour of my life bumper to bumper with the biggest morons, shitheads and fucksticks on the face of the earth, I have a modest proposal.


Rather than granting every idiot a drivers license on their 16th birthday, there should be in place a system of peer review, similar to what the scientific community implements for publishing scholarly works. Every driver, upon petitioning to receive a drivers license, will be given a special device for their car, similar in some respects to a wi-fi hotspot, but that will only send or receive messages pertaining to the probationary drivers skills on the road.

Now, rather than calling those 1-800-BACK-OFF numbers posted on retards bumper stickers, smart drivers will have the ability to instantly rate a probationary driver. Certain things like minor speeding violations and the like are not to be the basis of judgement but rather the following:
*Talking on cell while applying make-up in traffic: -20pts
*Talking on cell while eating breakfast/lunch/dinner in traffic: -18pts
*Talking on cell while smoking: -15pts
*Cutting off another driver while talking on cell, eating and applying make-up: Instant death

I propose this system of peer reviewed driving critique as an alternative to the current Department of Motor Vehicles. Those are the people that let these people on the road in the first place, and when the revolution comes, they'll be the first ones against the wall.*

Thank you, that is all for now.

*Not really. It'll most likely be the vegans.