Thursday, October 27, 2005

Bored today

Remember when I said I was going to start pissing off Nigerians that try and con people out of their money? I got one today that is just too good to pass up.
Greetings from Dubai,

This letter must come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners. I am Mr. Ali Raza Khan, currently Head of Coporate affairs with a reputable bank here in U. A. E. I write you this proposal in good faith, believing that I can trust you with the information I am about to reveal to you.
Heh. He believes he can trust me to trust him to use my bank information to make himself rich, eh? Alright, I'll play your game you rogue...

I set up a new GMail account and responded. In whole, I said:
Mr. Khan! I am very suprised to hear from you, an educated sounding person from the dark side of the world. I am so pleased that all the weird things I heard about businessmen from UAE are not true - you don't prefer donkey, correct? Well, they have such things in Tijuana as well, so I will not judge. I would absolutely love to go into business with you, but I must first ask you a favor. Please remit to me one (1) copy of each of the following documents:
  • Birth Certificate
  • Identification card
  • Passport
  • Mothers Birth Certificate
  • Fathers Birth Certificate
  • Bank Statements for you and the business you wish to merge with mine.
  • A bill of health
  • A photo of yourself holding a placard bearing the number "42"
I will conduct and intensive and thorough background check. After all, these once-in-a-lifetime email business ventures need to start on solid ground. I am sure you have already verified who I am, as you entrusted me with this secret not believing for a second I would turn you over to the authorities on suspicion of fraud and grand larceny.

Anywho. Once I have been satisfied that you are, in fact, who you say you are, we shall be in business. If it seems that you are in some way misrepresenting yourself to myself and the business community, I will send 7 Nigerians to kill you and eat your dollars.

I look forward to future correspondance, Sir.

Yours very truly,

Arthur D. Slartibartfast
California, USA, Earth, Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
Now I know why Steve does what he does. I am in no way going to be as detailed or funny as he is, but it is entertaining when I get bored.